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I chatted with her for about 20 minutes, when she said, “Let’s go back to your place.” A nod of ascent later and she took my hand and we headed to the door. Hey, if I can’t take a joke, then fuck me.Īnyway, we were talking, about me of course, when this girl came up and basically wrapped herself around me and started almost making out with me. I deserved it, and I would expect nothing less. You’re not finished.” You gotta love it when your own fans are calling you out. The funniest part was when he was ready for the next round, asked if I wanted another one, then looked at my unfinished beer, and said, rather condescendingly “Oh. I can’t remember what he and I talked about, but I’m sure it was exclusively about me and how awesome I am. Of course, that glow of adulation might have been the five tequila shots I had done in the past hour. I am not a big enough celebrity yet to be used to this, so of course I ignored everything else and basked in the glow of adulation as he introduced me to all his friends. He was a huge fan, and was all excited about meeting the actual Tucker Max in person. I was drinking at an alarming rate and was well on my way to breaking things and fornicating with hot girls, when some guy came up to me and said, “Aren’t you Tucker Max?” And more importantly, she is not even close to 250. Thankfully, she is smart and has read enough of my site so she picked up on my drunk sarcasm. Tucker “MTV better send a different producer.” Are you going to follow me to Walgreen’s to get some Ru-486?” Tucker “Well, what if I hook up and the condom breaks. Tucker “So when you film me, are you going to follow me everywhere?” You give me an inch, I’m going to take the whole yard stick. She had made the mistake of giving me her personal cell phone number and telling me to call her “anytime you have any questions or anything.” That’s like Chamberlain telling Hitler he can have the Sudetenland. The highlight of the early part of the night was when I drunk-dialed one of the MTV producers, Serena. Last Friday began rather innocuously enough at The Union, where we drank as much beer as we could pour into our faces, as it was $5 all-you-can-drink from 5-8. The first part is a little slow, but be patient, the payoff at the end is WELL worth it: Part 1: Tucker meets adoring fans, gets cock-blocked It is divided into two parts for easier comprehension. This story catalogs a Friday night that completely changed my life.
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This is from my first book, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell ( book here ) ( audiobook here )